Have you ever found yourself asking God why? I know I have, probably too many times to count, especially the past few years. These past few years have been filled with a lot of moments, some moments where I felt like I was on the mountain top, but also a lot of moments where I felt I was in the valley. The main valley being my divorce.
Trust me, if I were the main author of my story, the word divorce would not be part of it. And for a while there, I was embarrassed and ashamed that it was. But through this season, God has shown me that the divorce is not part of my identity. The divorce does not define who I am in Christ. However, with the divorce, there has been a lot of pain that I found myself having to work though.
Pain and suffering are part of the world we live in, it is inevitable. In John 16:33 (AMP), Jesus says “I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace. In the world you have tribulation and distress and suffering, but be courageous; I have overcome the world.”
In the moments of heartache, suffering, and pain, I found myself asking God “why.” As I was questioning God, I found comfort in the words of one of my favorite authors, Lysa TerKeurst. In her book You’re Going to Make It she says “God isn’t intimated by your questions. He is present in the middle of them.” For me, this served as a reminder that God was not upset with me for questioning Him, and that the best thing I could do through the questioning was to worship Him anyway.
But how was I supposed to worship Him when the pain that I felt was too real and at times louder than any other feeling? I vividly remember an encounter I had with God early on in my divorce. That morning as I was trying to get ready for the day, the tears would not stop, as the pain that I felt was overbearing. During this moment, I decided to play worship music. As the worship song was playing, I remembered feeling the need to lift my hands in worship. So, as the tears flowed down my face, I lifted my hands, and began to praise God. As I was lifting my hands, there was a sense of heaviness that I felt. And in that second, I did not know if I was able to keep my hands lifted in worship. As I started to put my hands down, I was reminded of the story in Exodus where the Amalekites were defeated. In Exodus 17:8-13 (NIV) it says ‘The Amalekites came and attacked the Israelites at Rephidim. Moses said to Joshua, “Choose some of our men and go out to fight the Amalekites. Tomorrow I will stand on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hands.” So Joshua fought the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up – one on one side, one on the other – so that his hands remained steady till sunset. So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword.’ Through this, God reminded me that I was not alone. As I lifted my hands in worship, I knew that angels were surrounding me, one on each side of me, helping me worship God through the pain.
Pastor Amos Olivarez said, “the reality of my pain is met with the reality of His presence.” God is bigger than our pain. He is with us in the midst of our pain. As we worship God through the pain, we can be confident of His promises:
- God brings purpose from the pain [Romans 5:3-5 NIV]
- The pain that you have been feeling cannot compare to the joy that is coming [Romans 8:18 NIV]
Worshiping God through our pain, suffering, and trials may not change our circumstances but it will change our hearts. Through the past few years, as I have been worshiping God through the pain, He made beauty from my ashes. Eventually, my mourning turned to joy, and my spirit of despair turned to a spirit of praise.
As you are reading this, you may be thinking so what now? I do not know all the moments that are part of your story. And I do not know what pain you have endured or are experiencing today. However, I am confident of this: any pain that we go through in life that brings us closer to God, is worth it.
Angelica is on Legacy’s Executive Lead Team and serves Legacy through the worship team and leading Legacy’s Young Adults. She is always willing to lend a helping hand and brings a fresh perspective to all situations. You will find her worshiping with her whole heart and serving those around her. She plays a key role in many of the day to day operations at Legacy.
