What is bereavement? Bereavement is the state or fact of being bereaved or deprived of something or someone. The state of being bereaved is often used to describe someone who is suffering the death or loss of a loved one. What is gratitude? Gratitude is the state of being grateful and/or thankful. When someone displays gratitude, they are typically at a point of readiness to show appreciation and return kindness. Gratitude in the Bible means “extending favor towards” or giving grace and kindness as a response. From looking at the meanings of these two words, bereavement and gratitude, you may be asking yourself how these two words can coexist in someone’s life story. How is it that someone can have gratitude while experiencing bereavement?
It is a concept that I struggled with some time after I lost my son. My son, Maximus Anthony Lopez, was murdered on March 24, 2021, at the age of three. His death brought a range of emotions to my family and I who were experiencing an immense amount of trauma and grief. I found myself in a dark place with no hope, constantly questioning what my purpose in life truly was. I consistently endured feelings of anxiety and depression. I separated myself from my church and my church family because I had so much anger towards God. I blamed God for the hurt and pain I was experiencing, always asking Him, “Why would you do this to me?” I found myself in this position for several months. Every time I tried to dig myself out and restore my hope and faith, the enemy became overpowering, where I allowed the trials and tribulations that I was undergoing define who I was.
Through this challenging time, my surviving children were my sole reminders of how great my God really was. I watched my oldest daughter, Clarissa, continue to actively go to church and saw how her broken heart began to heal. She reminded me that God was good, and that Max loved God still. And she was not wrong. Max did love God! Max loved church! Max loved worship! Max loved saying, “Amen!” Even at such an early age, Max had such a beautiful relationship with God.
I made the commitment to myself that I would return to church and restore my relationship with God, in honor of Max. I made the commitment to continue to lead my family to follow God because I wanted my children to experience the same love for God and church that their brother did. I wanted to know that my tears would not be wasted, and I hoped that God was more powerful than the fire I was feeling. I wanted to put my full trust in Christ, hoping that he would take care of everything that I was going through and minimize the feelings of anger, depression, and guilt.
I am here to tell you that God really is great. God really is good. God will give you strength, peace, and joy, even in your most difficult seasons. If you allow Him to, God’s voice will be the loudest thin in your life and in His time, he will rescue and refine you. What ever you are going through, will not destroy you.
Our lives were not meant to be easy and as followers of Christ, we are not exempt from hurt. We serve a God who allows hurt. But we also serve a God who uses hurt for good. If you have experienced bereavement, please understand that it is not supposed to break you. Through Christ, bereavement can be quite beautiful and having gratitude through bereavement will help heal the heavy feelings presented through grief by shifting your mindset, easing the feelings of despair, and help you find hope and joy again. In the Bible we see that God took Adam’s bone but gave him back the gift of a woman. God also took Abraham from his family’s land but gave him back a promised land and descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky (Genesis 26:4). God took Jesus through a brutal crucifixion but in return, he gave back salvation for the world. Not everything that has been taken from us was by the hand of God. But when you place each and every loss in His hands, it can be redeemed. Loss is never the end of the story. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they should be comforted (Matthew 5:4).”
Yes, I have gone through one of the toughest seasons of my life in which I was consumed by fear, trauma, and grief. But God brought me through that season, stood by my side, and continues to comfort me through it all. And because of that, I will continue to praise and give glory to God because He has led me to where I am at today. He has blessed me with four amazing children, Clarissa, Maximus, Emiliano, and Camilah. He has blessed me with an amazing, loving partner, Christopher. He has given us so many victories, even after so many defeats. He reminds us to always put our trust in Him. “Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).”
God’s promises are what have helped me find gratitude in bereavement. When I get asked, “How have you made it?” I always respond with, “I wouldn’t have been able to make it without God. It is God’s promises that have kept me going. I know that when my time comes and I get called home, Maxi will be waiting for me at the gates of Heaven. And I can’t wait to be reunited with him again!”
– Jesenia Alire
