Written by: Danny Olivarez, Pastor Emeritus
The Bible deals with the topic of forgiveness, two of those scriptures deal with offenses and sins and can be found in Matthew 18 and Luke 17. People tend to focus on themselves and how they might have been offended while the scriptures point to acts of sin. Feelings are real, but can be imprudent and used for controlling others.
The scripture known as the Lord’s Prayer asks the father to forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. This demands that we learn how to forgive but is not dealing with offenses. God’s goal is to deal with sin and then relationships. The 70×7 points to a limit, not a number. The
offended and the offender share responsibility, and both stand before God, sometimes in his judgment.
These chapters reveals sin against a child that is so grave that it might not be forgivable!
Divine forgiveness demands repentance of heart. The Bible demands a change. The offender at least should experience a change of character, words, and manipulation of others. Our task is how to work with forgiveness of sinful acts that leave one wounded for life.
Not all cases make allowance for reconciliation or restitution. What should be the church response when one truly repents but cannot repay? Because of the cross we believe that divine forgiveness is always obtainable. At his dying breath, the thief turned to Jesus and was forgiven. Nowhere in the Bible is forgiveness on autopilot, yet there are no other options.
Some experience deep emotional pain and need professional intervention. Many offenses carry involuntary triggers that cause one to relive the trauma. This is why people have experienced forgiving the same offense more than once. We must not ignore the psychological facts caused by trauma. Trauma can be so intense; its pain can last a lifetime. People must become aware of the different phases of forgiveness.
Wisdom calls for one to separate themselves from the offender even if forgiveness has been achieved. Shallow experiences are easy to forgive, harder to forget, and reluctantly remembered. Painful, traumatic experiences can only be relieved over time and in many cases, never forgotten.
Some offenses linger in the thought process, even while living in a safe environment. Victims of domestic violence are known to relive their experience for many years.
Victims of rape say they relive their experience every ten years. Some of the worst experiences happen to children, who for the rest of their life will wrestle with guilt and forgiveness. Some are never able to forgive the offender or forget the experience.
Having a millstone placed around the neck could be pointing to the judgment placed on the offender. Society requires them to register as sex offenders for life. Divine forgiveness might be extended but that does not erase the consequences. Church people push unwise expectations upon victims while the Bible pushes wise and timely restoration only if possible and safe for society.
Deep hurt requires the help of the Holy Spirit, the Word of God, and the help of a loving pastor. The church must be taught how to care for the victim. Careful focus must be placed on the offended. There must be true repentance and change of character. Trust is gained over time and one can outlive their mistakes.
Forgiveness does not cover personal relationships but the sin that has been committed. This is why a person can forgive and not commit to a continual relationship. There is no room for one to forgive and forget trauma. No one should be forced or expected to reestablish a relationship. That can be unbiblical and unwise and can put one in harm’s way. Domestic violence, alcohol, drug abuse, or marital unfaithfulness requires 100% accountability and change. The lack of repentance by the offender will stagnate the trust needed in any relationship. We need to get the focus off of the victim and hold the offender
accountable. Only time will tell if he/she is repentant and if so, then let’s help them as a brother or sister in Christ.
Studying the Bible on the topic of forgiveness is to acknowledge that there are no other options but to forgive sinful acts. A study will also reveal that forgiveness is challenging and needs guidance and insight to be worked out. God’s forgiveness is intentional, guided by his Word but limited to repentance. A good story found in Matthew 18 is where a king forgave a large debt, but the servant shows no mercy.
Many positive stories about life experiences can be found in the Bible. Let us pray for healing and hope for those who have experienced trauma. Let us learn how to extend compassion on the repentant wrongdoer (offender). It can become our joy to help him or her to grow in Christ and in fellowship with other believers.
Let us grow in wisdom my friend. – Danny Olivarez
